Bibsey’s rider

I'm blogging from A-Z because the bloggin' Easter Bunny told me to

R is for rider. Bibsey’s rock and roll rider.

And before I say another word I must immediately give credit for this blog post to Jess Topper of I’ll Blog When I’m Dead. Jess is an ex-librarian turned rock n’ roll number cruncher, a blogger, and a mother, who is also currently cracking on through the alphabet on the A-Z Challenge.

Today she has saved me from the ignominy of admitting publicly that I know no words at all beginning with the letter R. Apparently. My mind today was not so much a steel trap as an empty paper cup (slightly crumpled with some dregs and a fag butt in the bottom). For the first time in this challenge I went to bed not knowing what I was going to write about the next day and woke up with the same gaping void where my blog post should’ve been.

Anyway, this great post by Jess about Rock and Roll Riders popped up in my inbox this morning and gave me some much needed inspiration for today. I sincerely hope that Jess sees this as a compliment rather than a rip-off.

So, necessary preamble aside, what follows is Bibsey’s rider – the document outlining the requirements for the “comfort, safety and happiness” of the artist currently known as Bibsey, and that of her entourage and crew, when we take our little show on the road:

BIBSEY’S RIDER

TOUR BUS

  • Toddler seat: clean and ready installed. Bibsey’s crew (thick, lazy bastards for the most part) do NOT like to arrive straight off the plane to face the physical and mental endurance test that is the fitting of a car seat into bus.
  • Please have ‘snacks’ (see below for list of snacks) available in all transport.
  • Poo bags, nappies (Huggies ‘Winnie the Pooh’ daytime nappies size 5) wipes and a fresh change of clothes should be available to crew to administer should our little talent fill her nappy in-car . Bibsey is a fragrant little chick who does not like to arrive at a venue in a cloud of nappy funk, only to be greeted by a sea of wrinkled noses.
  • Complete works of Julia Donaldson on CD and Michel Thomas’ Learn Spanish lessons 1-8 (non-negotiable).

TECHNICAL KIT AND CABOODLE 

  • Wifi throughout venue. Bibsey likes to be able the watch Peppa Pig and Charlie and Lola to relieve the boredom when crew are otherwise engaged cooking her carefully balanced meals. She will also need to check periodically for comments on her blog.
  • iPads in every room.
  • Perfomances to take place mainly in the kitchen. Ensure that the sound system is fully tested and functional.
  • Please supply puzzles, books (complete works of Julia Donaldson a non-negotiable), plastic kitchen, fake food, balance bike, rocking horse, peddle car, cuddly toys, play doh etc
  • Own buggy will be supplied.
  • Nappies (the ones with Tigger on not Pooh) and wipes in every room.
  • Potty for wearing on head and storing things.
  • Child safety barriers at the top and foot of stairs. We do not want our little rock star falling down the stairs. The ED is not on our tour list.

DRESSING ROOMS AND HOSPITALITY

Where possible artist and crew require separate rooms to allow for nothing more exciting than SLEEP.

Dressing room 1 – Bibsey

  • Black out blind that allows no light from yonder window to break.
  • Night light that has a little Sun and Star to indicate night and day so that our little Princess knows what time of day it is. International touring can play havoc with the body clock.
  • Book shelf with the complete works of Beatrix Potter, with the dust jackets off. Bibsey will have no truck with dust jackets. Simply put, she does not see the point in them.
  • Supplies of Sudocrem and DoDot 12 hour dry nappies (size 5) – please only include the ones with kittens and lambs on. Dogs and ducks are not acceptable at bedtime.
  • Bibsey likes to bring her own quilt and pink cat, but will require cot, rubber bottom sheet and other bedding.
  • Please ensure that the room has adequate power outlets for baby monitor, night light, iPad, bedside lamp for storytime. And that temperature can easily controlled by crew.
  • Ensuite bathroom. No bidets please.

Dressing room 2 – entourage/family

  • Sound proof room with bed (king-size with no footboard – our roadie Mr B is built like a Great Dane) and covers.

Catering

  • Snacks: juice boxes (peach), milkshakes (strawberry), bananas, strawberries, nuts (monkey or roasted almonds), cakie, cookies (chocolate chip), cucumber chunks, cherry tomatoes and mini babybel. Chocolate chicks.
  • Breakfast: Monkeys (Sugar Puffs) and/or Rice Krispies in special Mickey and Minnie bowl, honey on wholemeal toast, green eggs and ham. Whatever Daddy is having. Proper coffee for crew.
  • Other food supplies to made available to crew for the preparation of Bibsey’s meals: avocado, pasta shapes, eggs, Philadelphia, sausages, chicken fillets, yogurt, peas, potatoes etc.
  • Crew will grab what they can when they can.
  • CREW WILL NEED A DRINK ON ARRIVAL AND WILL REQUIRE TOPPING UP BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER EVERY PERFORMANCE. PLEASE HAVE FRIDGES STOCKED WITH CAVA (Brut, no semi-seco), RED WINE AND HEINEKEN. NO CARLSBERG.

LOAD-OUT

  • When it comes to de-rigging and loading-out. Crew will be a sweaty, panicking mess and running late. Please have yet MORE CAVA on ice and childminder on hand to ease the passage.

That’s all. Not complicated or divaish. Iggy Pop we ain’t. If you can stick to the above you really won’t find us too difficult or demanding at all. Any questions, call our Tour Manager, Poppleton Bear.

What would your rider include? 

 

  • http://jesstopper.wordpress.com/ Jesstopper

    Oh my goodness, this is precious! Sincerely flattered – I’ve seen a lot of riders and this is by far one of the best I’ve seen! I think a lot of artists could learn and benefit from this. :)
    “Cloud of Nappy Funk” – that could be your band name. LOL  I would so book Bibsey for a performance!

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      Ha ha. I love that as a band name too. This summer will the the Terrible Twos Tour.

  • ClaireRR

    Best one yet! Well done for all these extra blogs, not quite sure how you’re fitting them in or finding inspiration, but keep on going you’re making me smile.

    Will gladly fulfil Bibsey’s rider for upcoming summer tour of London. xx

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      Thanks hon. Only just over a week to go and then normal service will resume. WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?! Thanks for reading. x

  • http://www.expatbabyadventures.com/ Expatmammy

    Hehehe great post toots

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      Thank. x

  • http://jesstopper.wordpress.com/ Jesstopper

    PS I miss the days of Charlie and Lola. And Kipper. My daughter is 10 now and only wants to watch Big Time Rush, etc. Sigh…

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      I love Charlie and Lola – which we sometimes watch in Spanish which is cool too – but it’s Peppa Pig that sends me slightly mad.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/2TYJ5ILQMEHAMVCQ7LYTBPABN4 Fiona Flores Watson

    Great post – getting better every time! What will I do for my daily laughs when you’re finished??! Only the nappies with kittens and lambs at bedtime, eh? I have to try and coordinate 3yo’s laundry so that we have either Peppa Pig socks or pants available every day, or there’s hell to pay. The Rider idea made me laugh too, as that’s what I did in the early 90s at uni for the bands who played – Jools Holland, Rebel MC, Bad Manners etc. Organised their rider – booze etc ;) . If you don’t win an award for your blog, there’s no justice in the world.

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      You are too kind lady. Booze etc? Mind boggling as we speak. Sounds like fun though… or perhaps it was like looking after giant toddlers?

  • http://bethlapinsatozblog.wordpress.com/ Beth

    I think that is the KEY question: What will we do with ourselves once we finish this month of April? Have we developed a new habit (it’s supposed to take only 21 days) of regular blogging? Will we fade off into bliss of freedom from blogging? Ah, time will tell.

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      I suspect that I may have just speeded up my blogging metabolism… I have certainly surprised myself by managing to keep up. As you say, time will tell.

  • Pennyrussellross

    Bibsey Granny and Bibsey Auntie currently reading this together in Germany and chuckling away.  excellent post.  Looking forward to the TTT in summer !

  • Older Mum (In a Muddle)

    Great post. Smiled through all of it. I used to have a rider in my dj days but not quite as sophisticated as yours. But I think you have inspired me here – I might have to redo it a la Little A. Loved the – whatever daddy is having – and the complete collection of Julia Donaldson – at the moment Little A is obsessed with Tabby Mctat.

    • http://www.bibsey.co.uk Bibsey Mama

      We love the busker’s cat too. Would love to see Little A’s rider. x

  • Helloitsgemma

    Blimey it’s a military operation on tour with bibs. Rolling stones are probably easier. My rider: crunchier bars.